Tuesday, 1 October 2013

Needs must

I had to shop.  Having been informed that bracelets made from cinnamon helped wet ladies be less wet and also stopped the pesky midges, I just had to find some.  By now, I had started to resemble a Spotted Dick for the colour blind.  For the none-UK readers, that is a dessert and not a disease .  Last night, the itching was driving me berserk, so I thought I would apply some of the green ointment given to me by Eilin, the kind Chinese lady who had shared our rail compartment one night.  The warning instructions were in Chinese, so I just sat on the toilet and dotted the bites with the green stuff.  Now sitting on the toilet with my trousers round my ankles caused the natural occurrence of passing water.  

Once the flow ceased, I reached for the paper to delicately dab.  Jumping Jehoshaphat!!  It was like an application of neat Vick to my private parts. Turning on the cold water tap, I splashed and splashed, then applied a cold flannel until I had stopped acting like Mrs Brown on ecstasy tablets.  The bed sheets didn't take too kindly to the ointment either.  The housemaid must have thought I was rotting away or an alien emitting a strange substance.  I bet that label said 'Wash hands thoroughly after use'

So, on a mission we walked into town.  Naturally, we were distracted by a few historical features.  You can't just pass by an ancient bridge guarded by dogs on one side and dragons the other.  The floorboards here were rather dodgy.  I held on tight to my beloved IPod.  One slip and my memories would have been floating down the river.

Over to the other side, where little information invited us into his tourist spot where he insisted we beat his drum and banged on his gong.  He was very shy and did not want his photo taken.  Nice man though.

A shopkeeper round the corner was kind too.  She was selling sunglasses.  Having broken two pairs, Hubby was not too pleased with the pressure I had put on his pocket money.  The lady passed over a few pairs.  Ugh.  Awful.  I looked like The Fly.  Oh this pair looked great.  What did that writing say?  Prada!!  Oh I could feel an upgrade coming on.  How much? Fifteen dollars.  'Come away,' said my better half.  Ten dollars.  Five dollars.  'Three?' I asked wistfully.  She agreed. Hubby took out the remainder of his dong (that's Vietnamese money, you naughty people).  He only had just over two dollars worth.  My eyes pleaded with the lady.  She could see how piggy they looked from the sun.  She nodded.  Hurrah.  Now I could be Glenn Close instead of Dame Judi.

Feeling rather grand, I was delighted to run into Loretta and Rose.  The latter pointed out that I had left the sticker on.  I tried to get it off but it was painted on.  

Our ladies were lost again, looking for the helpful pharmacy that had assisted Rose in her hour of need.  We wandered with them and got lost too.  A local put us straight and Rose bought her medication.  While they looked at watches, I went in search of my beads.  Sniffing every set I came across, I could not detect any odour.  An enterprising young assistant spotted me.  'You want cinnamon.  You wait here.'  She was off like a shot, leaving me in the care of her elderly mother who spoke four words of English to my three Vietnamese.  We got on very well.  I declined the plastic elephants, over-large fan and shells.  The daughter returned.  I sniffed.  Perfect.  Just the price to sort out and we had to pay in dollars.  My dongs had all dinged,  We agreed a price and I came away quite happy.  I say quite because I am not sure  if the scent will fade before morning!!

At the end of the road, we spotted our friends again.  They were standing by their infamous lamp.  We just had to have a photo.  A cheeky local decided to photobomb then had the nerve to ask for a dollar.  Hubby said she should pay us and she scuttled away, muttering.

We joined other Happy Family members partaking the free market food at the hotel.  Even the light rain did not dampen our spirits.  Pleasant Pete was feeling much better and tucking in.  When his wife asked what he had done with the rubbish, he said he had brought it with him.  I could not resist and quipped that he should have left his wife in the room.  Quick as a flash, she threatened to attack me with her noodles.  Laughing and retreating hastily, we went to bed.  A three am start was the order for the following day, x x

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